i sent my application to college....

golly.... i sealed up the envelope, and it was the most stressful thing ever. my future, is now in the mail... but then i was kind of like... wait, God has already planned it, and He loves me, like a lot. and that made me feel relieved. and comforted. and blessed. a lot is happening hopefully soon, like, i will hopefully be starting college, starting a new job, going on holidays and doing lots of conventions and camps. im just seeing God work in tremendous ways, through my friends, through my family, through everything He has blessed me with, and through myself. i love when He gives me His perspective, even a glimpse, and i can see how perfect and intricate his plan is, and SO much better than anything we could ever imagine.

i like...

my friends.

my lady.

cell group.

my family.

thai food.

the real thing.

my house.

jackos.

dancing.

my car.

the beach.

my puppy.

chocolate cake.

sunday school.

beena.

will and grace.

my church.

the movies.

singing.

how hard is it to hold these things with an open hand. gosh.

a lyric

this ones a ripper, an old time fave. enjoy.

I’ve given up
I'm giving up slowly
I’m blending in so you won’t even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention
Is my one last shot at redemption
cause I know to live you must give your life away

And I’ve been housing all this doubt
And insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house all while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging you
I’m begging you
I’m begging you to be my escape

I’m giving up
I’m doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt
And insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging you
I’m begging you
I’m begging you to be my escape

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for you to do what you can with me
But I can’t ask you to give what you already gave
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt
And insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
That might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging you
I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape

I've fought you for so long
I should've let you in
oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was
Save my own skin
But so were you
So were you...

Profundities

adolescence is the awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible. although, i think adolescence, with this definition can take on a far greater scope of meaning. for instance, a person chooses to play with people slightly older, and the slightly older people lord their years over the slightly younger, with condescending, belittling and patronising remakrs and actions, rendering the person, effectively, too young to say something sensible, too young to be taken seriously, too young to be challenging or meangingful or genuinely concerned, yet too old to be the child, to old to be the centre of attention, too old to react to the lording over them of years by the slightly older. i think this situation, is an awkward age, between social groups, between generations, in which the "adolescent" is ultimately rendered incapable of having an entirely reciprocated relationship, emotionally, mentally or socially.

post tremendous weekend

a most sexcellent weekend had by all.

friday evening; playing with rinny, we saw step up, it was amazing, sort of... mad dancing scenes, very enjoyable soundtrack, and not that terrible a plot nor acting, all in all pretty good. THEN... we picked up our friend big red a.k.a. shaguar, and went on a road trip to krispy kremes at liverpool, twas funtasmic.

saturday morning; some shopping for photos and rinny received a frock for simontes and flickers wedding, enjoyable.... long, but enjoyable, also bought some cd's, the new killers and the step up soundtrack, for the dancing...

saturday arvy; luncheon at como with rin, windy and cold, but some romantic sentimental niceness, so that was nice. then cruised to my abode and made some scrumptious chocolate cashew brownies... yum yum.

saturday night; some AMAZING dinner at oceanic thai with adam and ed in clovelly, it was AMAZING, i say AMAZING again. then a trek into the city for some starbar dancing. a fun fun night, good company and good fun "steering away from cliche" food.

sunday morning; slept in, it was nice, i dont often do it... ever....

sunday lunch; planned to go on a picnic for some doritos sandwiches, BUT corinnas daddy was up from nowra so we went to lunch with rins family for some yum cha. it was interesting.... nah it was great hey. i was a first timer, but it was fun. again, good food, good company.

sunday arvy; went four wheel driving with rinnys fam again, that was interesting fun. the water was good, sinking in the sand was good, the sun was good, and the bumpy car ride was enjoyable.

sunday evening; 5pm church acoustic style was yummy, very mellow and interesting, loved it. then had some dinner with my cell group men, they crack me up. then 7pm was good too. and had some sups with lisa my cow girl and sam by design.

monday day; bbq at my house, lots of people came to play. was fun. honourable mentions; douglas diving in the pool, samwise falling in the pool. good times, great classic hits.

monday evening; dinner at lisa's playhouse with cowgirl, samby, jess moraton, ae, rinny & myself. delicious, although tainted by a terrible movie, excellent company.

thanks JC for providing sexcellent friends, and time to chillax amidst a heavy workload and relatively stressful committments. youre tops.