Homelessness

feeling homeless, both in an earthly and an eternal sense, is a hard thing to deal with. i carry around with me a whole world of issues from when i moved to sydney, and it has ended up being one of the best and worst things in my life. moving to sydney, effectively, was the vehicle through which i came to know God. if i had've had my way, i would've stayed in melbourne, and been a feral alcoholic drug taking feral,and probly would've lived a meaningless worldly existence under the delusion that i was happy and that i had everything i needed in that which i could provide for myself. but obviously, JC knew better. he knew that coming to the port of hack, would eventually lead to me meeting a lovely lady named tara, who invited me to a lovely thang called a friday night live, where i would give my life to JC and change to put Him first and seek His kingdom above all else. but that doesn't erase the rest of the luggage i got. i left behind friends that i love, and family that i love, nieces and nephews i can never see, siblings that i miss, a home that i can never return to. i long for berwick of 2000, for my friends in year 9, for my 19 year old first year uni brother, and a sister with 4 baby kids and a new house. and i can never go there. i yearn for a place, that just doesnt exist. i miss and long for an unattainable place. now dont get me wrong, i love sydney, i love my friends, and i love my life. but its not my home. and thats hard. i dont feel like i belong, i dont feel like i can call port hack my school, or lilli pilli or yowie bay my suburb, or cronulla my beach, it will just never happen. dealing with this, before i was a christian, in the year of misery and depression, my first year here when i didnt know or want to know anyone, but chucked a year long tanty in the hope i would get taken home by apologetic and regretful parents, wasn't easy. i felt cheated, i felt abused, i felt like i had had my life taken away from me. my things, that i loved and loved me, taken from me. and i couldnt understand why. then becoming a christian has changed everything. and, all in the same breath it hasn't. i long for a home now, that i cant understand, that i cant conceive, and that i in my power just cannot get too. i long for a place where im loved, where im happy, and where im content. when i say that i dont remember what it is to feel like im home, people dont understand, and i dont think people can. i left my home, and now im waiting for my real home. homelessness is hard to deal with. i long for things which are above and beyond me.
but one day, God will take me home. and ill remember that marvellous feeling, and revel in it forever. and having that hope, far surpasses any feeling of homelessness you can ever have, although sometimes, it flees from my sphere of understanding.